Valentine’s Day, the love in the air continues to tug at my romantic heart string. However, with that tugging came one question that I’ve had countless conversation about—If the Sex is bad in a relationship but everything else is perfect, should you: Leave Try to fix it Stay despite having bad sex?
First we need to answer a couple of questions before we get down to the nitty-gritty of this discussion:
Bad Sex-aDivaDeeReview: having a sexual encounter with only yourself while another person is there. Basically, being selfish and only focusing on what you will gain from the experience without allowing your mate to participate. There’s nothing worse than having a barbaric sexual experience and feeling like you’ve just gotten raped by someone you care for.
A Great Relationship-aDivaDeeReview: being with someone who can finish your sentences. Someone that gets you and loves every inch of you flaws and all! Knowing that every time they leave, you don’t have to worry about them not being faithful and respecting you even out of your sight. Having unconditional love and not regretting being open and vulnerable with that person.
Well now that those are taken care of, let’s get down to the heart of the discussion.
First I must admit, DivaDee couldn’t handle this subject on her own. I had to get a little help to balance the conversation. Therefore, I threw out two questions in the social network forums as well as ask some close friends and received some great feedback.How would you handle bad sex in a relationship? Twitter Feedback: Mo_Reasy: bad sex can be fixed if both parties agree to it. It’s tools out there to help you adjust. Calliopebb: It sucks! I’d break up w/ a man over some bad sex! Won’t “enter” a relationship if the sex ain’t on point.
OJPhilly: You can get sex in numerous places, but you can’t get a good overall relationship in numerous places. ElenentsofCool: I can honestly say that I’ve made some exceptions. Facebook Feedback: Connie Payton: Back in the day if the relationship was worth saving, I’d go into the instructors mode! If the tools are there, it’s amazing what a lil patience and instructions would do! Didn’t take long before I’d created a monster! (grinning now with that far away look in my eyes) those were the days. Live Interviews:
DivaDee’sMista: I would try to fix it but if it wasn’t working then I would have to let it go!
DaPhotography: I’d try to fix it. To me, sex is communication if you’re not getting what I’m saying then you’re not listening! What constitutes bad sex? Twitter Feedback (edits done to keep it pg-13): Calliopebb: thin genitalia, short genitalia, a man who’s too nice in bed, lack of chemistry. Mo_Rease: not being able to get into that sexual rhythm with the opposite sex. It’s like one big car crash. ElementsOfCool: selfishness is one thing… OJPhilly: Military instructions!!! Live Interviews: DivaDee’sMista: Laying there like a dead fish! DaPhotography: Treating the experience like I’m just one of your other ones. Make it a tailor-made sexual experience!
Whew, those comments alone made my head spin! Great view-points from some great people!
But, I can’t leave without giving my view-point on this overall discussion. Hang with me for a few more lines, please….
If you’re in a relationship with a person and the sex is horrible, PLEASE make every effort to communicate openly with that person. Especially, if it is the best relationship you’ve ever experienced. There’s nothing worse than losing a good person over something that can be truly fixed. However, if you feel you’ve done all you can to try to make the sex better, PLEASE move on before everyone’s feelings are too far gone. Having great sex is very important and can dayum near cure world hunger if it is done right! But, being caught up emotionally with someone who is not equally yoked with you sexually is a relationship train wreck. Nothing good ever comes out of not looking forward to GREAT make-up sex!